The first week at home after the surgery was like that, snuggles in the morning, pain medication and lots of pillows!
A self portrait featuring the line on my neck from this afternoon, because scars make you look FIERCE!
As I sit here writing this post and listening to my favorite Madonna hits from the 80’s, I ask myself what is joy? Only two short months after being diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer, an 11 hour long surgery for a complete thyroidectomy and lymph node removal, and a one time radioactive iodine treatment, I’m just one night away from being done, at least for now, with this fight that no one ever wishes to go through. However, I’m not here today to talk about the details of this stupid cancer, but if you are interested in some scientific explanation of papillary thyroid cancer, here is a link with more information : Papillary Thyroid Cancer
Going back to the main focus of my post, I have had 2 entire months to reflect on my life and what awaits me in the future and I have decided to choose JOY with capital letters!
A total of 2 months will have passed between the day of my diagnosis and the end of my treatment. I have to confess they were the fastest 2 months of my entire life. They flew by…poof, just like that! I can hardly believe that we are in July. I’m sure the days went by quickly because of the way I decided to see life. Instead of suffering, I started to see the good things and the beauty of what was in front of me right now, starting with my disease. My first thought when I found out I had cancer was “Am I gonna die?” Silly me, we are all going die one day, we just don’t know when. No one in their right mind with kids to raise wishes to die, but we know we will. People die from being too old, from disasters and from diseases. I came to understand that the hardest part isn’t knowing that you will die, but is being told when you will die. That is the scariest part. We all know cancer can kill you, it is scary to think about this, even though in some instances it can be cured. When I was told I had cancer, the battle against time started that day. My cancer was a wake up call, not because I will die from it (at least that is what the doctors affirmed), but because I came to understand what I hear people repeat all the time: Live life for today, enjoy the moment, kiss your kids today and say I love you now! Tomorrow can be too late…
Starting on May 6th 2013, I decided to live my life with joy! There wasn’t a single day that I awoke discouraged by what was happening to me. A week after my diagnosis I ran my very first 5K and I can’t wait to to be able to run another one. I decided that if cancer was given to me, it was because I was strong enough to handle it. For these past two months I tried my best to live normally. I showered (except for the hospital stay, where I was forbidden to shower for the entire week, gross!). I styled my hair everyday like I normally did. I put on make up. I went to parties, even though I could not eat anything because of my low iodine diet to prepare my body for radiation treatment. I loved my life as I never did before. I did my photo sessions until the very last week prior to my operation and I delivered the photographs to my clients as quickly as I could. I kept my brain busy because I knew that doing what I loved the most would only help me during the days of recovery. I even started a fight with my husband in the hospital by asking him to bring in my desktop computer! I had made a promise to a client, but my low levels of calcium extended my hospital stay, preventing me from honoring my commitment. He finally convinced me that people would understand my situation, and they did! I love my clients, along with so many things in life 🙂
Today I woke up early after my first full night of sleep in the almost 4 weeks since my surgery and I was glad to finally feel energetic again. After a whole week of maintaining a 6 foot distance due to residual radioactivity, I am just one night away from snuggling with my family again! And I can’t wait for tomorrow’s first photo shoot after my surgery. Yes, I’m officially back to work as of tomorrow! I can’t wait to kiss Luna and my husband, the wonderful people I have been gifted to have in my life. Rafael’s been caring for Luna AND for me AND for the house (except cleaning the microwave, which I did this morning) for the past 4 weeks. He did the dishes. He cooked and ate my low iodine diet. He did the laundry (which he already does anyways). He swept. He did some gardening. He taught Luna how to ride a bike. He drove and picked Luna up from camp. He cooked some more, and some more, because I could only eat homemade food. He even became an expert at making homemade bread. I know he is probably tired of me demanding things to be done the way I like, and I really apologize for that, however I’m so grateful to have a person that comes home each day and thrives as a dad and a husband. Sigh…(silence) It is so tough for me to say things like that, because I’m not a romantic type of person, and I don’t wish to become one, but I’m slowly learning how to appreciate him and not take things for granted. I’m glad we have found each other and that we have the most precious, joyful thing from this relationship: Luna! She is my everyday inspiration for my work. She was my guinea pig model for the first steps of my career. She has such a strong personality. She chats so much and I don’t know where she gets some of the things she says… and I then realize she is becoming one of us. She has so much of her dad and, more and more, I see her acting like me. I have started to realize that many of the things that I would like to see changed in her, I have to change in myself first because she is my most effective mirror. She loves music and sings every song, just like her mom and dad. She is creative. She is quick-witted like her dad. She is dramatic. She cries like her mom. She is enthusiastic about things. She is a beautiful soul and I’m glad I have her.
This post would not be complete without images, of course! Even though she has refused to be in front of the camera the past few months, I was able to bribe her into a quick 10 minutes of clicks. She agreed she needed some images of her growing hair (since mamma decided to have it chopped it off last year) and there is nothing that a lollipop won’t buy at this age!
My message for today’s post is, choose joy. Choose to see the beauty in the simple everyday things. Choose to see the positive side of life. I’m not saying that you have to be perfect, good, and happy 100% of the time, because I’m certainly not like that, nor do I wish to be. I believe people are allowed to get angry, to argue, to discuss, and to get mad sometimes, but do not let these ugly feelings take over the good ones. It’s ok to cry, to yell, and stamp your feet, but just make sure you are not hurting someone’s feelings to the point it can’t be fixed or that you become a bitter person. Life is made of relationships: at work, at home, and with family and friends. We need to learn how to understand each other and respect each other’s differences. You are going to feel much better if you are less angry and if you choose to accept what is given to you. Choose to see a little joy, even on the hardest days. Things could always be worse than what they actually are!
A special thank you goes to all my friends and family who stayed close and supported me in many ways. Thank you to my family and friends in Brazil who were in constant contact throughout my illness and to my family and friends here for all the prayers and help with Luna. I really appreciate what you have done for us! Many people have really inspired me over the years with their courage to face life positively!
Much love,
Patricia
